Was still on bad mood recently .. maybe too many failures at one pt of time in life. i noe my failures arent really tt drastic but everyone has an expectation of themselves and when they do not meet up to it .. they get dissapointed with their own performance.


Of cos hoping tt i can get out of this bad mood by the end of today and move on fast. Why bcos especially when the next TP is the following monday and i really hope i can pass. Dont know whether i shld go for more prctises like wat i told eileen bcos of the dissapointment and the comment tt all the insts and others will bound to say when they see me again. I can expect wat they are going to sound like and i noe it will affect my morale lots.


One of my fren once told me am i very affected by wat others say abt me .. and i tink its a yes if you yourself also feel tt it might be true. Everyone cant see themselves well thus when ppl tell them things unless they are very definite tt it is not the truth if not anyone can be affected by it.


Take for example a female senior who once commented something crude abt my click of gers bcos she claims tt she always see us with different grp of guys and said things tt werent very nice. All of us are affected in a way of two bcos we really hav different grp of frens then and it somehow seems like we are like tt. But in fact we only got to know this frens from the same sport tt we do together and there was nothing wrong abt it. Ppl are affected bcos they starts to wonder if this is also the perception of others on them too.


Was on a shopping spree yest for awhile while waiting for a fren yest for dinner and also other plans. I must admit i was tired shopping after work especially having to wake up so early in the morning yest. But theres just something tt i will really wan to explain again here


I didnt know tt u werent happy by me pulling you away from doing wat you actually wanted to do bcos i tot it would be better for us to look ard first and to compare. I later said tt i din expect you to feel the unhappiness in tt way but your reply does affect me as you said tt maybe ur not the kind tt u wanted things to be done in tt way.


It makes the scenario abit awkward yest. Everyone was quiet for a long while and i too didnt noe wat to say anymore and wanted to just stop the topic there.


Anyway I nvr really expected you to feel in tt way and maybe you were right tt it will be better for us to move seperatly ard then. One thing was tt i was tired and you knew wat u wanted.


We had long chats on many other things after tt and stayed up till late with everyone. But it was until one point tt i started to feel am i being too kaipo in your life tt i shouldnt hav and it sank back to me tt i shouldnt even have started saying anything.


Sorry if you find the things tt ive said offensive in anyway or im really too intrusive into ur personal life. I said my piece on wat i have felt yest as i tot that was everything a fren tt was standing at the side hearing and looking at things that you have said is seeing everything as. I only realize this might not be nice when i tot back to wat happened earlier on again tt maybe ur not the kind tt u wanted things to be done in tt way as wat i tot.


Frens hav different kind some tt are so close tt they do not hav to speak and they knew wat each other is tinking and there are those tt have small fights every now and then and like to 'suan' each other when they find the opportunity to. Some are good listeners whom dont really say their piece but they will always be there and they are some tt meet up once in awhile to catch up with everything tt was missed up by the other fren.


whatever it is ..


I am still happy tt i have u as my fren in my life



=)